I don't like the expression of the one on the right.

He's going to lure me through a mirror into some weird land I'll never escape from. I just know it.

I guess clowns riding unicorns is A Thing.

One was weird enough, but two?? Who buys these things?!

Here comes the bride, all dressed in white

Just don't turn your back, because she will bite...

Tobo or not Tobo?

I choose "not."

100th post!

Thanks to my three readers! It's even more fun blogging knowing that there's someone out there reading it! In honor of this special day, I thought I'd post the picture that started my obsession with creepy clown images. I saw it years upon years ago and it stayed in my head all that time, until I just had to track it down again. In the meantime, the collection had begun to flourish. May I present to you the clown that started it all:



I don't know who he is or if he knows that his teeth chased me in my nightmares literally for a decade or more. All I know is that the picture is from an unnamed Milwaukee newspaper and is terrifying.

So whatever you think of my blog, remember: it's this guy's fault.

Welcome to David Lynch's dreamscape.

Three little maids from school are we, pert as a schoolgirl well can be

filled to the brim with clownish glee-ee...

She wore blue velvet...

...bluer than velvet was her eye...shadow?

Never take candy from strangers.

Seriously, just don't. You'll never know what you're getting.



This amazing piece is from regretsy. Alarmingly, it's one in a series. I recall one done with butterscotch discs, another in Tootsie Rolls that felt vaguely golliwog-esque.

I have to admit, I think it's a great concept and actually looks pretty good. But it's still a clown. And what happens when those gumballs get stale and crack and start shedding bits of sugar crap everywhere?

Death has never looked so delicious.

To whoever ordered this cake: I salute you. I hope it was indeed a happy, clown-less birthday.

There are so many things wrong with this image...

But the worst is that this appears to be hanging in an art gallery. I'm hoping it's a MOBA exhibit, because that's the only place - aside from a dumpster - this thing belongs.

I'd hit it.

With a fist!

...no, that wasn't a lame attempt at humor. That's what you're supposed to do with this thing.


You can buy this piece of awesomecake at entertainment-earth.com

You might be asking yourself, what is this picture from?

A horror movie, perhaps, or a cartoon series aimed at older kids, perhaps even young adults.



Wrong. Try that paragon of innocence The Brave Little Toaster.

OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE.

Apparently these horrid clown banks are highly collectible. Wish I'd known that when I saw one for cheap not long ago. Eh, it wouldn't have been worth it. My apartment would have been forever tainted.

I'm kind of liking the paint thinner bottle behind him though.

The camera loves you, baby!

God I hope this isn't from someone's amateur porn collection.

Laughing all the way to the bank.

...right, as if anyone ever laughed at a clown.





The way the eyes roll back into the head is fucking terrifying. I keep expecting Pazuzu's voice to roar out of my computer speakers.

Clowns have been evil since the dawn of time, I see.

I'm 99% sure that this pic came from Thrift Horror. Antique clowns are even worse than modern clowns, it seems. Yikes.

I call them Baldy and Red. Too bad Vaudeville is dead - they sound like a great duo.

I suspect he ripped the doll's hair off and stuck it on his own head.



(I'm also just noticing the Peter Rabbit plate next to the clown. Holy cow, I want it! It would be so cute with my babyhood Bunnykins dish set.)

What would Freud say?

Between the shape and the concerned expression, I'm concerned about what this is meant to be used for.

I'm going to go out an a limb and say that S isn't the favorite child.

Unless this is exactly the cake S Hunt wanted, in which case...kid, you're awesome, and I hope your big 1-0 was, too.

(I can't swear to it, but I would be willing to bet that this picture is courtesy of Cake Wrecks.)

The obesity epidemic:

Apparently, it's also striking clowns.

Add a little class to your office or library.

Class, fear, same difference.

Heffalump, Woozle or pink elephant on parade?

This reminds me ever so much of something that would be in a classic Disney film hallucination. Something Dumbo would see while drunk, or Pooh would see when he's...tripping balls, or whatever it is he does to get to that hellscape inhabited by Heffalumps and Woozles.

As mad as a hatter

and way scarier than anything Tim Burton could dream up.

My sandwich tastes funny...

What part of the clown does this come from?

I always knew that cat was plotting against me.

And now you know why I'm a dog person.

If this is Goofus, I don't want to meet Gallant.

Horrible trays as a diet aid?

I don't think I've ever seen pure evil captured so precisely in paint. I know I've lost my appetite.